...eating drinking kissing dancing / red shoes / serpents in gold / dirty talk / Mme Baker / slow hands / orfeu negro / warring hoards and dancing girls / summer furs / maduros / myth & magic / letter lovers / wild flowers / nora holt / milk of paradise  / the perfect pen / rhum y tabaco / pleasure seekers / the zaftig / sound & fury / the full moon / bossa nova / scarlet fingertips / tom foolery /  valaida snow / oxum / myristica fragrans / sweet waters...

PALACES OF CONSUMPTION
Harrods - yes Harrods is a tourist trap but its also one of the most eccentric places in London. The best bits are at the very top and bottom of the building, give the middle a miss. Have a meander around the ground floor - food halls and jewellery department are all worth a butchers (don’t miss the waxwork life-size effigy of the former owner in the menswear department).
Take the express lift to the fifth floor. Tucked away between the deli and beauty salon is Roja Dove’s Haute Parfumerie. Yes it is as affected as it sounds but their a no other places in London that carry as many exclusive perfumes in such high shine, high camp interior.
Head back down to the ground floor via the masterpiece that is Egyptian escalator and discover London’s newest tourist attraction at the bottom.

Liberty’s - Liberty shouldn’t need any introduction. Best department store in London in my opinion. The only thing I want to mention is the cute little Russian and Japanese art gallery on the top floor and that is a good source for reasonably priced gifts to take back home.

Fortnum - Fortnum’s is another tourist trap but it’s London’s poshest sweetshop. I start dribbling as soon as I’m through the door. Plus its a nice spot for lunch/afternoon tea if you’re wondering around Bond St/Jermyn St.

SACRED SPACES
First the place we end up last  - Cemeteries. Never been to the famous Highgate but Kensal Green cemetery has some crazy egyptomania and art nouveau follies masquerading as dead houses. It was the fashionable place to be buried in the 1800s with fancy Victorian funerals arriving by the canal in grand style. Its full of minor royals from various kingdoms and principalities and their ostentatious mausolea. Think they have every Sunday but worth checking first.

Brompton Cemetery is near Earl’s Court and was my local open space when I lived in Fulham. An official Royal Park and one of the most sinister places I’ve ever been and I like cemeteries. Go during daylight hours.

St Georges of Hanover Sq - called fashion church as its right behind Vogue House and Bond St. The interior isn’t spectacular but they have a professional choir at every Sunday morning service. AND there are usually more people in the choir than the congregation, which never fails to amuse. Also the vicar has a wonderful year round tan. Amazing music and perfect way to start a sunday.

Neasden Temple - conveniently close to Ikea. The craftsmanship rivals of the city’s major Cathedrals and the food is definitely better. It only opened in 1995 and is the largest Hindu temple outside of India.

Westminster Cathedral - the head of the Roman Catholic Church in the UK. Astonishing Byzantine tower and mosaics that are still being completed 100 years after it opened. My favourite London Cathedral.

Monument - built to commemorate the Fire of London in 1666 what was once that tallest building in the city is now been dwarfed by The City. But it still has some of the best views in the London. And its shiny and gold. Plus you can follow it with cocktails at the Royal Exchange - very good.

Other spectacular churches include:
All Saints on Margaret St, close to Oxford St, high Victorian ecclesiastic opulence, lots of gold, stained glass and a choir.
Notre Dame Leicester Sq - erm, Cocteau murals on almost every wall, that’s all I have to say. Cocteau man! The mother church for London’s French community Notre Dame is usually open through out the day, pop in if you’re in the area.
Temple Church - its in the Da Vinci Code! Nuff said.
St Pauls  - most Londoners don’t even get inside St Paul’s. Its not my favourite church but an afternoon spent climbing up to the Whispering Gallery can never be badly spent unless its raining. Doing St Paul’s and onto the the Wobbly “Millennium” Bridges and then drinking Guinness (and maybe looking at the art if you’re that way inclined) one of  the riverside bars at Tate Modern is perfection. Well, actually perfection is then catching that Tate-2-Tate boat down to Tate Britain. Don’t forget to look out for Cleopatra’s Needle.

Holborn, Bloomsbury, Covent Garden - A little alternative “sacred quarter”. Starting British Museum packed with esoteric and mystical artifacts looted from all corners of the world. Its a cathedral to cultural imperialism (but I still love it). Close to the BM is St Georges of Bloomsbury, built by Christopher Wren contemporary Nicholas Hawkmoor. Hawksmoor created six churches in London most of them in the east end St Georges is the furthest west. Hawksmoor, named “the Devil’s architect”, was keen student of the occult and it is said that all six churches are aligned to an “axis of evil” with concealed underground chambers for the practice of unearthly rituals. His name lives on in a couple of steakhouses which serve the best brunch in London and very dangerous cocktails. I’m sure the Devil would approve.
Atlantis Bookshop  - Up the road from the BM, and you can stop at Museum Tavern for a bevy on the way, is Atlantis. Not a “new age” book shop but proudly occult. Centre of the occult in London for almost 100 years. Every Mage and wannabe witch or necromancer would have come through these doors. Apparently Aleister Crowley was a regular and they still have his chair by the fire. (The London Review of Books shop is around the corner too, a very good place to pick up men so I hear).
Grand Lodge /Freemasons Hall- never been inside but always see older men with ill fitting suits and oversized briefcases wondering around Queen St. The Grand Lodge is the centre of Freemasonary in the UK and they have a museum and guided tours. Other reasons to like the Grand Lodge: endless hours looking at all the shiny things the Brotherhood like to wear in the Masonic jewellery shops in the area and the Stephen Jones Millinery  boutique across the road.


JEWELS
Hatton Garden is London’s official jewellery quarter but its mostly made of generic engagement rings and diamond dealers. All the old antique/estate jewellers have gone.  
Bond St is the place to go for jewellery. All unaffordable to me but  i love trying on jewels I only ever in a inside a museum case.

Started at Piccadilly - Burlington Arcade and its environs- an arcade full of antique jewellery. Favourites are Matthew Foster who special in deco and mid 20thC - crazy-nut-nut  Hollywood gems, and Bentley & Skinner now on Piccadilly.

Past the big houses - Cartier, Tiffany, Chanel etc. Asprey is always fun to pop into. Sometimes they have museum pieces, last time I was there they had a Indian necklace with emerald pebbles the size of quail eggs. But the best bits are when you wonder to the back of the immense building, piles of antique luggage and dozens of Royal Warrants of the wall. Everything from the Ethiopian Royal Family to minor Dukedoms in Europe. Heraldic heaven.

Wartski’s  - largest collection of Faberge in the world but huge amounts of Falize and some of the older usual houses. Its managed by the lovely (and a little sexy) Kieran McCarthy and sometimes Geoffrey Munn (him off the telly and the author countless books on Faberge and Tiaras!). They usually have a small exhibition in the shop so worth to see whats on. Think they’re closed at the weekend.

Solange Azagury Partridge has a new shop opposite the Louis Vuitton fugly ubershop (the sales assistants are close to abusive but its the only place to see Basquiats in London) and next door to Boucheron!! The store is a disco wonderland, staffed by gorgeous creatures with awesome taste in music.

Next is S.J. Phillips jeweller to the late Isabella Blow - certain people may turn up their up nose, complaining that the staff aren’t as scholarly as other Bond St establishment (one guy told me they may as well be selling nails - no clue about jewellery) BUT they have beautiful jewels. Lots of C15th Spanish pieces last time I was there, made with gold and silver pillaged from the new world.

Further on up (past Fenwicks, excellent lingerie department), along South Molton St. Up past famous costume jeweller Butler & Wilson and every shoe brand in London and you get to Grays Inn Antiques Market. One of the few indoor antiques markets left in London since Portobello and King’s Road has been decimated.  A must stop for me is Pushkin Antiques (I think the dealers name is Olga) on the ground floor - she does affordable, bold, characterful pieces. Lots of gold and opaque stones. But the whole market is a bit of a marvel. The Tyburn River runs through the basement!

The V&A’s new gallery is awesome but check the opening hours as they sometimes close early. Also seek out the Gilbert Collection of  jewelled boxes which recently moved to the museum from Somerset House.

SENSORY DELIGHTS
Les Senteurs - best perfume shop in London, dozens of niche brands and next door to Philip Treacy.
L’Artisan du Chocolat - I can’t get enough of the Tonka Bean and Tobacco chocolates give me a very pleasant buzz. There’s a concession in Selfridges but track down one of the stores if you can. Heard it on the  grapevine that you can find their discounted ‘mishapes’ at Borough Market.
Underground restaurants - the trend for restaurants in people’s homes and pop-ups are still going strong. Lots of options for January here http://supperclubfangroup.ning.com/

BOOKISH
Bookshop list is endless, this is my top pick
Persephone Books - forget the Notting Hill branch. Lamb’s Conduit St is the only place to go. Close to Coram Fields, The Foundling Museum and one of my favourite pubs The Lamb (all the ladies love Waggle Dance). Plus some great restaurants and shops.

A brief intro to occult London is above but in addition to Atlantis is Treadwells in Covent Garden and Watkins on Cecil Court near Charing Cross Rd, one of the last enclaves of London’s book district.

British Library - Saul Williams + the Kings Library, what more do you want.  You need a reading pass to get into the reading rooms but their current season Evolving English has included performances by Saul Williams and KRS One as well as an exhibition. Plus there’s are permanent galleries.

Bookslam - always a laugh, held in south London landmark (and smelly nightclub) the Clapham Grand. January’s event includes a couple of my favourite writers Jacob Sam La Rose and Janet Kay.

Foyles - not as unique, and less easy to shoplift from,  as it once was but still the doyen bad-mamma-jamma of Charing Cross Road

THE ENDS
Enough talk of the glitzy West End. As a South Londoner I require a visa to go north of Regents Park  and East London ain’t what it used to be. So, some hot spots in my ends -  Sarf London.

Dulwich Gallery  - oldest public art gallery in the world or that’s what my Dad told me. Stuffed full of Old Masters (that keep getting nicked) and located in south London ‘village’ where they still have white picket fencing, riding clubs and ducks walking about the High St. Nice restaurant too.
Brixton - growing up Brixton was the centre of my world. Heart of the African Caribbean community and gateway to the rest of London. My grandmother dragged me to the market every weekend. But it not only full of Jamaicans but loads of Portuguese, East Africans and Colombians which, in my opinion, makes it one of the best places in London to eat.
- The Honey Wine at Asmara will make you slap someone for more.
- Colombians joints in Brixton Village will statisy any hardy carnivore, the cassava dishes may make you want to live there.
- Try my local the Effra Hall Tavern, live music most nights of the week and if your lucky and the kitchen is open:  good Jamaican food.
- All the locals enjoy Pink Pussy and Sex on the Beach and Thai food at the Satay Bar - number one pick up joint for young black professionals.
- Take a stroll through Electric Avenue (of the Eddie Grant song) the beating heart of Brixton Market and through the indoor markets (this is a real London market - FORGET what you’ve seen in *that* Hugh Grant movie). Brixton Village has a recent batch of popup shops worth checking out.
- I only eat Jamaican food from a few of places in Brixton all are take away only:
Atlantic Bakery, Atlantic Road - best for meals, fresh bread and some serious ginger cake
Take Two Brixton Village  - jerk chicken unrivalled anywhere in London
First Choice Bakers Atlantic Road  - Best for patties
- Look out for the Murals of Brixton and other spots include the Photofusion and the 198 Gallery. Brixton has more artists per capita than any other London town - there’s always something going on, ask around.

NOT THE NATIONALS
Everyone knows about the national galleries, other great museums/galleries include:
Barbican  - concerts, avant-garde theatre and exhibitions
Somerset House - currently London’s major fashion history gallery also home to the Courtauld Museum  
Saatchi Gallery
Wallace Collection - old masters, Bouchers and lots of really flash swords
Royal Academy
Rivington Place - in my opinion worth a visit  for the Stuart Hall Library alone. Wouldn’t go out my way but pop in if you’re in the area.
South Bank - London’s living room. Lots of free stuff and bars. National Theatre and British Film Insitute are next door.
Design Museum  - on the river grab something to eat n Butlers Wharf

INDEPENDENT
Small independent museums I love:
Hunterian Museum   - museum of the Royal Collage of Surgeons. Always lots of body parts, usually very old body parts.
Petrie Museum - enough ancient Egyptian and Sudanese shit to rival the British Museum
Leighton House - orientalist heaven the former studio of Pre-Raphaelite Frederic Leighton, now exhibition work from leading contemporary middle eastern artists.
Women’s Library  - a must see  
Wellcome Collection  - current exhibition High Society  is on mind altering drugs!
Soane Museum  - DO NOT leave the city without exploring this place
Dennis Severs House - more live art than an “heritage experience”
serpentine

THE NICEST VILLAGES in the posh side of town
St James/Mayfair - Jermyn St & Savile row
Belgravia  - Elizabeth St, Lower Sloane St + Pimlico Road
Lamb’s Conduit St
Marylebone High St
Knightsbridge/South Kensington - Beauchamp Place + Walton st
The West End - Oxford St + Regent St, Carnaby, Soho
Smithfields

MARKETS
I imagine visitors know about Portobello and Spitalfield markets but they are a shadow of their formers selves and most Londoners don’t go there anymore.
Portobello - Friday still has very good vintage clothing and textiles but don’t even think of venturing in that direction on a Saturday. 5th circle of hell.
Borough Market - great, but also check out some ‘real’ london food markets if you’re in the area - Brixton Market, East St in Camberwell and Chapel Road in Angel are all great. Also Church St market off the Edgeware Road has the added bonus of having Alfies Antiques Market located at the end of it. Its like a little prize for running the gauntlet.
Give Spitalfields and the hip young things of Brick Lane a rest and head down the road to Petticoat Lane.
Smithfields Market is fun if beer + breakfast is your thing. But beware of drunk butchers

TRAVEL
Lastly, Black Cabs are expensive.
Commit this number to memory they may save your life.
ADDISON LEE 0844 800 66 77